The Dark Feminine has been speaking to me. And after talking to other sisters of mine around the world...it seems she's talking to all of us. Historically the Dark Feminine has always had a bad reputation; people always fear what they don't understand or rather what they've been afraid to dive into.
What we've never been allowed to name.
She is not polite.
She is not tamed and she is free in loving her darkness, her lust, her sexuality and power.
She gets off on it.
And most of all she is not afraid to destroy because she understands destruction can also be an act of divinity, from divine love.
Looking at the state of the world today, we clearly see how much cosmic pressure is being applied onto us to just let ourselves break open and have the courage to look in the mirror at our darkness. We need to look ourselves in the eye and not stare away this time, so we can bring our darkness, the world's darkness, to the light.
Sometimes when the Dark Feminine speaks to us we realize she isn't simply starting a conversation...
her whispers become an initiation.
And I feel like my initiation is to understand the sacred medicine of anger, how it heals because it burns all that which is not true.
How anger is sacred because it opens new parts of myself as I continue to die and be reborn in this journey of ascension.
In this wonderful era of women coming back home to ourselves: to our wombs.
Yet for months and months I was feeling blocked in my art and expression--and I couldn’t figure out why. Over time I realized it was because I was avoiding a part of myself, a part of myself that scared me: my shadow. I was avoiding letting myself feel the depth of a very ancient emotion that...I only now have found words for, after spending the last few months deeply meditating with my womb.
I call it Womb Rage.
I have been grieving and seething.
Crying and breathing.
And clearing and cleaning energetic pathways throughout my body so I can truly feel what is under my skin.
I have been unravelling new dimensions of myself I didn't know could possibly exist.
Letting myself feel everything that we're actually doing to this planet.
The spiritual violence we're committing to ourselves and future generations.
I've been unlearning everything my ego has been clinging onto about how I should be as a woman: legs closed, a watchful tongue, modest, selective about my emotional outbursts.
All the energetic clearing work I'm doing is crumbling the weight of intergenerational spiritual chastity belts, lips sewn shut and angry hearts.
All the energetic clearing work is showing me how I've seen restraint as safety.
It is time let all my darkness out--the raw thunderbolts of power that electrify my inner thighs, the flames and sharp knives that my tongue is ready to spit like a cobra. But I can feel how my darkness scares the wounds in me that say "you know what happens to women who show the power of the night...."
And I remember screams and cries.
I remember all the murders, all bleeding shackles, the pointed fingers, the hunts and all the predators.
I remember how demonic fear feels like.
And then I stop.
I breathe and I smile.
I feel Kali kiss my cheek and gently tell me these memories are gifts to remind me its time.
What I've realized is that...something extremely powerful happens when a woman decides to pick up a pen and surrender to the messages and wisdom channeling through her menstrual blood under a full moon.
She gives herself space to remember the power of Womb Rage.
This is channelled womb transmission I received sitting under the full moon. It is a visceral meditative journey channelled from the shadows of my soul, with a cinematic and multi-dimensional soundtrack. It is an open letter channelling themes of destruction and love, the primal need for healing and community, spiritual amnesia and grief, and our Mother Earth.
A gift to all my sisters and mothers, brothers and fathers who celebrate the return of Goddess consciousness.
It is part of my upcoming book "Life According to an Alien™".
I dedicate this meditation to my sisters on our journeys of reconnecting with our true power centers and waking up from our spiritual amnesia.
And ultimately, I dedicate this to the Dark Feminine, the aspect our collective consciousness that is now being called to rise in service to humanity and unite our light and our shadow.
My womb, my portal-she holds the answers I've been searching all along.
Thank you Kali. Thank you Pele.
I invite you to put on some headphones and close your eyes.
This is what my womb has to say:
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
We need to talk about womb rage.
Surrendering to the stillest, deepest silence of my being means having to listen. It means having to listen to what actually lies under my skin, to the rumbles under my tectonic plates. This deep silence is where my body expands and shudders, where I feel boulders called burdens crumble off my shoulders.
It is in this stillness where I hear a distinct voice speak out to me.
It is the voice of my womb.
And these days, she has a simple message for me:
The storm is coming.
The dark clouds have already been gathering in the distance.
I see it on TV each time we see another natural disaster, as we watch how mad our Mother is at all of us.
We’re watching it unfold with gun violence but forget it’s always been the same spiritual violence.
Amid the rising levels of social chaos, we keep trying to distance ourselves from it....But just as we try to ignore the refugee crisis, the truth will always travel back to us.
Because the truth of the humanity is already within us.
The truth lies in the body.
And unlike the mind, the body does not lie.
My womb is telling me this is beyond any intellectual understanding;
She wants me to reclaim my wombiverse.
I am on a journey of learning to drop down to the dark well of my womb and nourish myself from the waters of her psychic and spiritual wisdom. I am remembering the power of my tongue, what it yearning to create and how it has been dying of thirst for far too long.
My womb is telling me to get out of my mind because it’s time to plug myself out of the madness of this planet. Stop giving my attention and creation power away to distractions, but most of all my mortal fear of destruction.
I accept that I will never find heaven without her; for how could I ever conceive it in the first place without her at my center?
Without her as my holy altar?
She tells me "Baby I have always wanted to shield you from the bombarding white noise of “modernity” if only you just let me speak to you." She wants me to fully feel the effects of this parasitic modernity breeding military-industrial complexes and moral rot ravaging
Our Mother Earth.
The more I’ve been brave enough to get still and dive deep in my well, all the women in me are coming to greet me-the mothers, aunties, sisters, daughters and elders who live in me and through me.
But I recognize that this means from now on I have to clear all the poison I’ve let run through my channels:
to clean up my misconceptions about my sexuality,
and the powerful genius of
My womb says
“Now you best believe you’re gonna clean up anything that wants to stand between my unconditional love for my totality, as a female expression of infinity."
I have to clean up the emotions of shame, confusion, and fear marked from my adolescence; the only initiation into puberty most of us are ever accustomed with.
So instead, I’m choose to give myself permission to come back home to myself and get to know all the different rooms inside of me, patiently.
I’m learning to ride all my different shadow energies, so it can be held in love...
if not just for my own womb but for all the wombs of all the women in this fractal I am are part of.
I am just a woman on a journey to revive the cosmic rhythm of my portal, my voice and my planet through the gift of my body.
I’ve been doing energetic clearing work on my pelvic bowl and body with a fellow fire goddess of mine who I am blessed to call a sister: Yana, from Vela Souls.
She has been guiding me in the energetic clearing work of my meridien lines, a process of recovering the ancient rivers of information that long to flow in my being. I am remembering the miracle of the human body as an ecosystem, one that has equally been polluted with unloving thoughts and actions as our own planet.
I’m learning to excavate old memories and beliefs that anchor themselves in my womb space and try to limit me--I know that in order to do this by first learning to love and not dread the lava that bleeds from me monthly. At long last, I am remembering to kneel before the doors of my temple, and make love to my fears instead of judging them.
I will no longer judge Me.
I am just a woman on a journey of connecting with the melody of my inner unity, but my womb tells me:
“Woman you cannot do that until you are at peace with the brewing anger inside of you. The fuck you thought? Woman, you need me.”
What’s beautiful is that more I decide to come back home to myself, the more confirmation I receive that I am not alone.
And that we are not alone.
You see, synchronicity is weaving us together as we remember that Earth is the Universe’s gift for us as a mirror to get a tiny glimpse of our feminine power and creativity. We are all walking along our paths of healing ourselves in the face of the spiritual warfare of living against our Mother, because we haven’t been spiritually living in tune with our true power centers.
As I watch her rage on in the natural world, I can’t help there’s an ancient part of her calling out to me reflecting something inside of me.
Is it scary? Of course.
She’s not pretending to be happy.
And she’s saying neither should we.
The more that we wake up from the self-harm of spiritual amnesia, the louder our wombs call out to us. They are remembering traumas from our past lives as widows, mothers, warriors, priestesses, and children. Many of my sisters and I are learning to love ourselves as an inside-out process, because we recognize that we’re not just healing ourselves but all those who came before us and who will come after us.
Because doing the work to reconnect and heal our power centers is far bigger than any of us.
With all the destruction happening on our planet, to its people, and to all the children of the Earth, we cannot deny the grief of what human beings are really doing to each other. My womb is reminding me that like the stages of grief, after denial comes anger. That she wants me to let myself to fall in love with the angelic nature of sheer destruction, to ruthlessly let go of that which no longer serves me.
She’s telling me to stop ignoring the women who want to come out and play with me:
the flaming mother bitch
the sacred whore
and the screaming banshee.
The greatest gift Yana’s spirit has taught me is that we need to hold space for ourselves and each other to sit with our fire, to trust it, so we can heal from it. You see it is only through the rush and release of anger that I can truly embrace what is such deep, universal sadness.
And once and for all make peace with this evolutionary process.
So here I am: evolving my relationship with my anger and creation energy because that’s what is what fuels me to build new communities and birth new visions of how I know we can we can be. My intuitions knows deep down we are ready to build with each other more than we want to tear each other apart, but it’s only as we heal ourselves from the inside-out can we truly build anything lasting.
My womb is telling me it is time to sit in my fire, to sit at the bottom of my volcano.
As I give myself permission to be still and sit here under the moon, I feel the magma of my anger. This fire energy of creation. I now choose to turn that energy inwards in myself and sit in my fire, to no longer run away from it.
I am learning to be self-compassionate.
After all, we have been taught to be afraid of our fire because what else burned millions of us alive, once upon a time…...am I right?
Yet when we reconnect with our womb, we remember that women are keepers of the sacred flame. We are the keepers of deep magma intuition. We remember the fire of creation, of birthing new ideas and lovingly destroying the old.
It’s ironic isn’t it?
Now that same burning fire is sitting inside of us to bring ourselves back to life.